


Afraid

by pikablob



Series: Until You're Not Afraid Anymore [1]
Category: Infinity Train (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s03e08 The Hey Ho Whoa Car, Fix-It, Gen, Hazel has separation anxiety, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:29:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26027254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pikablob/pseuds/pikablob
Summary: That night, while Amelia and Simon are asleep, Grace makes amends with Hazel.[Spoilers for Book 3, Episode 8]
Relationships: Hazel & Grace Monroe (Infinity Train)
Series: Until You're Not Afraid Anymore [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2044432
Comments: 33
Kudos: 126





	Afraid

**Author's Note:**

> Recommended Songs: [Let The Water Wash Away Your Sins (Grace's Theme)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDQyeWIGAJc), [Oh The Bliss (Hazel's Theme)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVXqHX9rHxA)

Grace wasn’t sure what time she woke up. It was still dark, no lights on in the car and no rocks falling into the chasm. Simon was flat out, lying awkwardly on his side; visiting the cat had left him exhausted, she reasoned. Further afield Amelia was also resting, quietly snoring in her sleep. And Hazel…

Grace froze as she realised she couldn’t see the girl anywhere; the only thing in the direction she had gone was a large rock, lying by the edge of the chasm. As quietly as she could she got to her feet, trying to ignore the spike of worry in her stomach. Hazel wouldn’t have run away, would she?

Of course she would, Grace realised, the thought turning her blood to ice. Hazel already knew how much Simon hated her; now she thought Grace did as well, because Grace had confirmed her fears just to please him. Amelia had already made clear that she didn’t even see Hazel as Hazel, just a failed experiment to be quarantined.

The sound of quiet sniffling snapped her from her spiralling thoughts. Her gaze snapped around, trying to find the source; it seemed to be coming from the rock she’d seen before. But now her eyes had adjusted to the dark she could see it wasn’t a rock at all. The surface was covered in mottled brown plates, and she could see dark holes along the edge. With a start she realised she was looking at a turtle shell: _Hazel_ ’s shell.

Grace sighed in quiet relief, thankful that Hazel was at least still in the car. But the awful feeling that had settled in her stomach refused to budge; she had still told Hazel she hated her, that she was just a null, and now she could see how badly she had hurt the girl. Gingerly she crouched down beside the shell, reaching out to press one hand on the cold surface.

“Hazel?” she whispered. The quiet crying stopped abruptly, punctuated by one sharp sniff. “Hazel, it’s me, Grace.” No response. “I know you’re in there; I just want to talk.”

“I’m sorry.” The reply was barely above a whisper; Grace could still hear the hurt behind it.

“What?” The word was out before she could think.

“I’m sorry I’m a train person,” Hazel sniffed.

“No, Hazel, no,” she felt a lump form in her throat, “You haven’t done anything wrong.”

Slowly, Hazel’s head emerged from the shell. Her eyes were red-rimmed, tears still running down either side of her beak and smudging the red wave. She looked up at Grace. “But you still hate me,” she sobbed.

Seeing her like this, Grace could feel her heart breaking. She didn’t even think before her arms were moving, grabbing Hazel shell-and-all and hugging her tightly into her chest. She felt the sting of tears in her own eyes, and a deep feeling of disgust at herself settled somewhere in the back of her mind.

“No, no, no,” she said softly, “I don’t. I never did; I didn’t mean what I said.” She felt the shell shrink in her arms, and tightened her grip.

“Then why did you…?” Hazel whispered.

“I…” Grace trailed off. Why had she turned on Hazel like that? What justification could she possibly give? She looked over, her gaze settling on Simon’s slumbering form. “I didn’t want to upset him.”

There it was; the ugly truth. She had thrown Hazel under the bus to appease Simon, to try and salvage a relationship she could already tell was failing. She was seeing more and more what he really was, how far he could go, and yet she still gave in to the pressure. She felt Hazel’s shell grow again and sighed; how could she explain all of that in a way a six-year-old would understand?

“We’ve been together a long time,” she said finally, “longer than you’ve been alive. I met him when I was just a kid. Simon was there for me like... like Tuba was for you.” Hazel let out a quiet gasp. “We protected each other and worked together.”

“Most of the nulls-” Grace cut herself off, taking a deep breath, “train people we met tried to hurt us, so we stopped trusting them.”

“But we’re not all bad,” Hazel protested. Grace nodded.

“It was you who got me to see that,” she said sadly, “and Tuba. But Simon didn’t, doesn’t get that, and I don’t think he ever will. But I didn’t want to go against him, even when I really should have.”

“You’re scared of him too,” Hazel observed quietly, her shell shrinking again, “like me; aren’t you?”

“What?” Grace blinked, her grip on Hazel loosening. “No, of course I’m not afraid of Simon.”

She wasn’t afraid of Simon, was she? She knew him, and what he was capable of, and what he had done to Tuba and would do to Hazel if he had the chance. What would he do to her, if pulling rank failed?

Finally, she spoke again: “I’m afraid of what he’ll do.”

Suddenly Hazel’s arms were tight around her. “That’s not right!”

“Shhhh!” Grace glanced around; thankfully, Simon and Amelia were both still fast out.

“If you’re afraid of someone you can’t trust them,” Hazel pleaded, her voice quieter again but still thick with emotion. “I wasn’t afraid of Tuba!” Grace hugged her tightly again, feeling her own tears begin to flow.

“Oh Hazel,” she said softly, shaking her head, “You’re right. I shouldn’t have let you be afraid of me, either.”

“I’m not,” Hazel replied quietly. Grace could feel as the last of her shell disappeared into her back, and her skin turned from scaly to soft. “You protected me from Simon.”

“And I’m going to keep doing that,” Grace said, quiet but firm. She stood up slowly, cradling the now-human girl against her chest. She knew now there was no way she’d be able to live with herself if she left Hazel with Simon or Amelia; an idea was forming in her mind, and she felt a swelling of determination to carry it through.

Carefully she carried Hazel over to the car exit, opening the door as quietly as she could. She stepped through, out of sight of the others, and gently set Hazel down on her feet. She crouched down, bringing their gazes level.

“What are you doing?” Hazel asked, panic rising again in her eyes.

“I need you to trust me,” Grace replied gently, “I’ll be back in a minute.”

“Promise?”

“Promise,” Grace said firmly. She stood up, giving Hazel a final reassuring smile, and slipped back into the car. She approached Simon as fast as she dared, creeping over the flat rock until she was standing right over him.

He was still fast asleep; each breath turned into a quiet snore, and a thin line of drool fell from his mouth, across his forearm, and down to the floor. One hand was closed tightly around a small test tube full of white beads, while the other loosely held a small grey cube. Seeing him like this, Grace felt another pang of guilt; she could almost forget what he was really like. But she knew Hazel needed her more, and she knew what she had to do.

Carefully she reached down and unclasped the buckles on his harpoon pack; it was slow work, and far from easy, but surviving on the train for so long had taught her a lot of things it probably shouldn’t have, and she knew how to steal from someone without waking them. Gingerly she lifted the whole thing free.

He stirred as the straps brushed his shoulders and she froze; he muttered something unintelligible and rolled over, still thankfully asleep, and she let out a breath she hadn’t even realised she had been holding. Quickly she did the same for the boots, before slipping the number tracker from his pocket.

Finally she pulled the whole ensemble on. She made for the exit again, stopping only to pick up Tuba’s old leather bag from where Hazel had been. As she did she glanced back again; Simon was tossing and turning, no doubt disturbed by what she’d done, but he was too exhausted to wake. Amelia hadn’t moved at all.

As she stepped outside she looked to Hazel, only to feel a spike of panic at the sight. She was still standing on the ledge, her back pressed against the outside of the car. Her chest rose and fell with each breath, her hands clenching and releasing again, like she was desperately trying to calm herself down. Her skin was somewhere between scales and flesh, and Grace could see the shape of her shell starting to poke through her top.

“Hazel?!” She couldn’t keep the alarm from her voice. Hazel jumped, her breath catching; Grace hurried over, scooping the girl up into her arms. “It’s okay, you’re okay, I’ve got you.”

“You came back!” Hazel gasped. Her voice was thick with emotion, and Grace felt another stab as she realised it was _relief_.

“I promised, remember?” she said gently.

“I just- you were gone so long, and I-”

“I won’t leave you,” she reassured, running one hand through Hazel’s messy hair. “I just didn’t want you in there in case Simon woke up.” Slowly Hazel grew quiet; her breaths calmed, and the scales faded from her skin.

“Sorry,” she sniffed.

“It’s not your fault, Hazel,” Grace sighed, “It’s mine. But I meant that promise; I’ll always come back, until you’re not afraid anymore.”

“And then?”

“And then it’s up to you.” Grace smiled. Hazel threw her arms around her shoulders, returning the hug. “For now, I can’t leave you with Amelia, and you’re not safe near Simon. So we’re going to go back to the Apex, together.”

“Won’t they hate me?” Hazel asked nervously. “Like you did?”

“The Apex kids trust me,” Grace reassured, “If I say you’re cool and Simon’s not, they’ll get that. Hopefully we can teach them what you and Tuba taught me.”

“Okay.”

“Why don’t you find them for me?” she suggested, reaching into her pocket and pulling out the number tracker. Hazel let go with one arm, carefully taking the thing. “Just look for a big number cluster, besides the one that’s right next to us.”

“Okay,” Hazel replied, carefully fiddling with the device. While she did Grace got to work; she pulled the strap of Tuba’s old bag around the girl’s midsection, before looping it through the harness of the harpoon pack. With a couple of knots she tied it off, effectively strapping Hazel to her front.

“Found them!” Hazel announced. “There’s another big number twenty-one cars that way!” She pointed towards the engine.

“Then hold on tight.” Grace gave her one final squeeze, before picking up her harpoons. “Let’s go find them.”

**Author's Note:**

> There's now art to go along with this fic thanks to [wallywestfest on Tumblr!!](https://wallywestfest.tumblr.com)


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